All The Mad S*** That Went Down In Game Of Thrones S08E03 ⚔

All The Mad S*** That Went Down In Game Of Thrones S08E03 ⚔

Aka. I can’t see what’s going on, wtf is going on?

Time for another Game of Thrones recap. The episode starts with a whole lotta anticipation, a whole lotta near silence and a whole lotta darkness. The Night King is on his way and he’s mad (maybe, tbh he’s kinda smiley in this ep).

But guess who else is back? The Red Woman. And she’s here to aid your screens by lighting a load of s*** on fire. THANK YOU, MELISANDRE. 🔥 The Dothraki plod on with their newly lit weapons in tow, but then the wights are all like nah, don’t try me:

Sansa gets sent to the crypts because what the heck is she planning on doing and Jon and Dany have realised that dragons and fire aren’t all that great when it comes to a gigantic ice storm.

DEATH = EDDISON TOLLETT

Ser Davos is now trying to wave down the dragons to light the trenches, but wuh oh, they can’t see anything and they’re bumping into each other in the sky. (Pretty magical looking scene other than the bumps). Anyway, it’s fine because Melisandre is ready to do some magic of her own, lighting up the trenches in the nick of time.

Where’s Bran at though? Ah he’s sat by the tree doing nothing. No probs, he has Theon there to defend him just in case anyone comes to get him. Theon would like a bit of comfort which Bran kinda does give him before saying anyway mate i’m off, before basically taking a nap for the remainder of the episode.

Arya is kicking ass, but now there’s a big old giant storming in through the gates and he’s only gone and punched Lady Mormont right in the tiny face. She’s angry. She storms towards the giant, he gives her an overly zealous hand shake while she stabs him right through the eyeball.

DEATH: LYANNA MORMONT

Now Arya is surrounded by wights and The Hound has snapped out of his fear and is ready to save his buddy alongside Beric. Beric holds off the wights so they can both escape. They all hide out in a room and look who it is, The Red Woman, and she’s here to tell us what the heck is going on. Beric has died, but he’s not coming back this time because THIS was his purpose. Now, it’s time for Arya to serve hers.

DEATH: BERIC DONDARRION

Back up in the sky, Jon and the Night King are having a dragon battle. It’s not working too well for either of them. Then Daenerys decides to try and burn the Night King? Ok. Nope, didn’t work and now he’s basically the smirk emoji face. 😏 And he should be smug, because he’s about to sire a whole load more wights to attack Dany. No problem though, she has Drogon to fight. NOPE. He’s effed off because the wights are getting all up in his business, leaving Dany to fight alone… UNTIL Jorah is back to fight for her and oh he is getting stabbed a lot.

DEATH (coming soon): JORAH MORMONT

Jon’s on his way to save the day and Bran, but the evil dragon is in his way.

Meanwhile, back at Godswood, Theon has fought everyone off to protect Bran. “Thank you,” says Bran. And now the Night King has stabbed him.

DEATH: THEON GREYJOY

Jon is now doing what any normal person would do when faced with a dragon = screaming into his face.

But it’s ok, Arya is here to save the day. With a tricksy little drop of her dagger from one hand to the other. The Night King is done. And in turn all the walkers are done too including the dragon that was just about to scream a load of ice fire back into Jon’s stupid face! HOORAY.

DEATH: NIGHT KING

And there we have it, the episode is done and so is The Red Woman, who takes off her magic “make me hot” necklace and dies in the snow.

DEATH: MELISANDRE

and. we. are. done.

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