All The Mad S*** That Went Down In Game Of Thrones S08E05 ⚔
Welcome to a new episode of WIMMEN B CRAY. 🙄
Right, so we’re in Dragonstone and Lord Varys is being a sneaky sneak. He’s sending a load of notes via crow to tell people that Jon Snow is the heir to the Iron Throne because well, to be honest, he’s not really feeling this whole weird vibe Dany is giving.
Jon is still being an absolute wet and stating for the 1028th time that she is his queen. Yeah we get it - you’re loyal babes.
Tyrion is trying to talk some sense into Dany who seems like she could use a nap and a sit down. Her hair is all messy which means she is CRAZY because you know - WOMEN, Amirite? She’s not listening to Tyrion anymore and she wants Lord Varys dead, so she burns him alive.
DEATH: LORD VARYS
Jon is adamant that he still loves Dany, but when he gives her a cheeky smooch his face looks more like a kid whose aunt has just forced them to eat broccoli… rather than a man who has just…. kissed his aunt… moving on.
Tyrion is again trying to make Dany see some sense, he tries to get her to agree to call off the fight if the bells of King’s Landing ring to show they’ve surrendered and Dany is all “hehehe sure ting, will do.” 😜
Arya and The Hound are on their way to settle some scores, while Jaime who was on his way to maybe settle some scores too? has been captured and is sitting in a tent like the fool he is. Tyrion releases Jaime telling him to go to Cersei and take her to safety and start a new life and off he goes to become this season’s sap of the match which is mad considering Jon is still alive.
Euron has his dragon piercing spiky things ready to rock ‘n’ roll and Dany has her dragon ready to take out the entire Iron Fleet and the wall too! Now it’s on.
The bell has rung, they’ve surrendered! Hooray. Jk. Not hooray. Dany is burning ALL the things. The city is collapsing and Cersei thinks eh maybe now’s the time to make a swift exit.
Now we’re on the beach with Jaime, but look what the cat dragged in. It’s Euron and he’s just been blown up off a boat, swum to the shore and rocked up just in time to meet his old pal. Now it’s tussle time. They have a little scuffle that looks more like 8 year old boys fighting over a Beyblade, but one of them gotta go.
DEATH: EURON GREYJOY
The Hound has said goodbye to Arya now and is gonna go say hey to his big bro. Now it’s REAL tussle time, that’s right it’s CLEGANEBOWL tiiiime. The Hound is stabbing The Mountain in all kinds of ways, but obviously not the right way because this bitch won’t quit. Some eye stabs, some eye grabs and now they’ve jumped through the tower wall to their fiery deaths.
(this is the part where I started hysterically crying)
DEATH: THE HOUND AND THE MOUNTAIN
Jaime has found Cersei (seriously how?) and he’s hugging her (stab her now) and he’s ready to take her to safety (what?). Surely this isn’t how it ends for them? Nope. Crushed by a castle. Sweet.
(this is the part where my housemate came to check on me hysterically crying)
DEATH: CERSEI & JAIME
Now Arya is on a horse.
(this is the part where I stopped hysterically crying)